Friday, February 15, 2013

How to Argue Until You Lose

1)     The louder you say something, the truer it is.
Sometimes you have to really turn up the volume to get people to listen to reason. If LOUD isn’t convincing enough, try LOUDER! Soon you’ll drown out any feeble attempts the other person is making to explain his opinion. So you win, right?
2)     Don’t let anyone else utter a complete sentence.
There’s no point in wasting your time listening to the other person say stupid things that aren’t going to change your mind anyway. After only a few words you’ll be able to tell how weak the other person’s ideas are, so just go ahead and cut off the lame arguments right away. This is actually the efficient way to do things as it makes more time for you to talk.
3) Anything worth saying is worth repeating. Anything worth saying is worth repeating. Even though you are right, some people will not believe you until you express your point of view enough times. You may have to repeat your opinion over and over for incredibly long periods of time before the other person gives in, so don’t get discouraged. Just keep repeating your idea for as long as it takes – preferably in exactly the same words each time. You’re right, aren’t you, so why should you have to explain yourself?
4) Go with your guts.
What you feel is really all that matters. Don’t be swayed away from your opinion by so-called “reasons.” Ignore any talk about possible “problems.” Under no circumstances let yourself be persuaded to “think things through.” You know how you’re feeling in your heart, and you certainly don’t need to confuse things by getting your head involved.
     5) Point out personal flaws.
Rest assured that whoever is disagreeing with you has plenty of them! If someone will not come over to the correct opinion – yours! – then make comments about that person’s weight, hair, clothing, face, family, etc. This may not convince him, but at least you can feel superior about not having all those weaknesses.
     See, arguing is easy! Just follow a few simple rules, and you’ll never have to listen to reason, respect anyone else’s point of view, justify your actions, or change any of your opinions. And as long as you don’t have to do those things, then you can’t lose, can you?
     Can you?


Unknown said...
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Anonymous said...

Hi, Diana. This is almost too true to be funny, but it still made me laugh! It is a skill to be able to disagree and discuss the topic without it dissolving into nastiness. I think it comes down to listening and manners--and we could all do with better abilities in both!

By the way, I seem to be having trouble commenting here. Blogger must not love me...This is Jamie from SCBWI.

Sherry Ellis said...

This is hilarious! My kids are really good at kranking up the volume and repeating themselves a bazillion times!

dj said...

Thanks for taking the time to comment, you guys! (Sorry I'm just now noticing! That darn stupid real life keeps interfering with my time online!)